How often do you "assume" in your relationships, and make an "arse" outta "u" and "me"?

I recently noticed more and more that miscommunication, disappointment, and tension within relationships occur because of assumptions we make in our own minds. I've started rewatching the older seasons of Ted Lasso and I've been hearing so many more subtle jokes and profound quotes that I hadn't heard before. One of these quotes is one that Ted says to a journalist during a press conference: "Well, you know what they say when you assume, Trent? You make an arse outta you and me, yeah?"

You make an ass outta u and m

This isn't one of the more famous quotes in the series but no less profound. There are so many times when I get angry and frustrated at a situation, and with someone, only to find that it was because I was making an assumption (or at times multiple assumptions).

As humans it feels so natural and normal to be making assumptions that we don't even think twice about it. A biological explanation for why we do it, is that it's how our brain saves energy. We take our experiences, find patterns in how things work, and apply them to every following experience. While this may be helpful in many ways, it is very unhelpful when it comes to landing us in tension, disappointment, and frustrations within relationships.

I've been reflecting quite a bit on this. I have discovered through various tests that I've done with coaches, that subconsciously finding patterns and "connecting dots" is a natural strength or "talent" that I have. Just as with everything, one's strength, if not kept in check, becomes one's achilles heel. This indeed has been true for me with the natural "assumptions" I make in all my interactions. It has therefore been the source of multiple frustrating scenarios in my life and at times really do feel like an arse.

Thankfully I've been able to recognise this, and through meditation, I've become better at consciously drawing patterns and information from my experiences when I need it, rather than defaulting to this. I understand through meditation how I have been a slave to my own thoughts, and by discarding the root cause of what makes my subconscious mind move, I'm able to live more and more without being chained to my mind and these past experiences. I'm still a work in progress but I'm loving the process of becoming more liberated from my mind. Instead of blaming the other person for any disappointments, I can truly see that I am in fact the source of my discomfort. I can't control what happens outside in the word but I can certainly control how I see things. In particular, when I stop making assumptions and take each moment as they present themselves, I definitely feel so much more at peace and can be truly happy in any relationship no matter the circumstances.

When we assume relationships, people and situations to be a certain way, we do indeed make arses of everything!

#relationships #ted_lasso #ted_lasso_quote #improve_relationships #communication #better_communication #life_experience #better_relationships #successful_relationships